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come sail away with me...

Im feeling lost. I have nothing going for me in life, I have no friends(atleast that is how it feels). I actually cried myself to sleep last night. I havent done that since i left UB.

Im not depressed per se. I think this is more me wondering what I am doing in life. Yesterday I kept getting into fights with Manda. I think this happened because Im feeling empty. I cant stop from crying. And the person that I want to talk to, atleast right now, wants nothing to do with me.

When did I lose all my friends? When did my life stop being life, and started to be a routine? Maybe this is just SAD. IDK.

Maybe this is just depression talking. I know I am right(or atleast it seems like it is) when I say I have no friends. People that I thought were my friends from UB where just there to stab me in the back. I couldnt cut it there, so they cut me off from there life. Im actually happy that i have nothing, absolutely nothing to do with APO. They claim that they have a three fold purpose. But what they dont tell you is that there three fold purpose is backstabbing, hatred, and maybe a bit of service to community. that is really different then there stated three fold purpose of Friendship, Leadership, and Service.

I think that is where my life started to go wrong. I joined a group of people that I thought would be friends, if not for life, would atleast help when i needed it. And I couldnt have been more wrong.

Well, enough with this pity party.


1) It's not that I don't want anything to do with you. I'm just...still angry. Give me time (and food...I did mention that because of last night I'm skipping lunch to do my notes. LOL) and things should be back to normal eventually.

2) Glad you're finally seeing APO for what it really is.
It's too bad you don't actually see what true brothers can do for each other.

Thank you for calling me a backstabber, a hater, and a horrible person. I've always been here for you, whether you have ever come to me or wanted to come to be.
Thank you for judging me and blaming me and thousands of other people for the problems of ten to twenty.
Thank you for not rising above, and showing people what the brotherhood is actually about.

Carry on, and understand that it is difficult to remain friends with people that you have bashed and hurt. Try maybe just telling people you need help. Maybe that might help instead of yelling, complaining, and blaming everyone in an entire group - most of which have no idea who you are - for a small problem.
Have a nice night.
there are obviously exceptions for everyhting that is said in life. I did ask for help. I had three people willing to help me. What I have learned since I have been out of school is that there were many more people in this district that saw me as a good for nothing person. Someone that they would be nice to their face, but talk about them behind there back. The amount of things that I have heard that was said about me, appalls me!

A generalizaion is just that, a generalization. It is not saying that everyone is like that, but when most of the people that you meet in a group, that you think are your friends(and turn out they are just talking about you, lieing about you) behind your back. It helps to shade how you view an organization. As I said, I am sorry if you felt that I offended you. It was not my intention to hurt anyone, but the people, and they know who they are, that have hurt me, that have abonded me.

Take a look at my flist on my profile. See how many APOers I had friended and see how many still have me friended.

Once again, I am sorry if I offended you, there are some good people in APO, but i have had trouble finding many of them.

You are just one of the few that are good. But that is one out of how many in NYS?


things ebb and flow, you know that.
people come and go, you know that too.

i hated people in our chapter for the very same reasons when i was active, but i tried to overcome that by searching out other brothers not from epsig, or in the 'apo outlaws', and look.... i've been in 13 years now, and am still on staff (and will be stepping down from 5 years as section chair in april.) however, i also had mended the fissures between me and our chapter when the oeioke i didn't like left. those who were around when you pledged-- most of them are long gone from active status and a few are staffers. you'll let those few stand in your way of liking the whole organization? why?

you need to keep at it, even when things seem bad. you need to push through and your friends that you do have will be there for you.

2004 was my hardest year ever in life and apo. it was followed by a rough patch in 2008 with my second chapter. and i survived them both due to my network of friends through apo. now, some of those friends are gone, never to return. others will always be there. it works both ways being a friend....

but i agree with ceruleanarcher on a lot of this. don't "kill" everyone in one fell swoop. there are more of us than you think that are still there. you just need to send out that beacon.


that last reply was mine... i apparently wasn't logged in

Re: oops

I guess what bothers me more, is what I heard from people that are(or were) staff from 88 and 89. They spread rumors about me, apparently I was stalking people(thats news to me), I was sleeping with everyone in the state that was APO(again news to me). I know there are good people in this organization. You timber, Kate, even Keegen(to an extent), there are more out there I hope.

I would like to mention that these people that said this are the ones that I reached out to. I learned that they were using this gossip to use against me.

I dont want to get rid of everyone in one follow swoop, but when people are defaming you, people that to the outside world seem to be the "responsible" ones, and they are saying things like what I just mentioned, would you want to say you are part of that group?

I dont want to lose some of the connections I made. but it wasnt just the people that I plegded with. A lot of those people(at least my pledge class) I know I will more then likely never see again, and to that I say good riddence.

I knew when I wrote this post I was going to stir up the horrenets nest. I hope i have made my actions a little more clear.

Re: oops

P.S. I also know that I am not the only one that has felt this way, I would assume most still do. section 88 and 89(as it was when I was active and/or still hung around) was in my eyes are very backhanded group. I am still to this day surprised that certain chapters have not folded. of course, this is a generalization, and for that reason not representative of the whole, but the majority.


Hello? Big brother talking here. I've always said APO is what you make of it and at a time for me it was support and now it is barely part of my life. Take the ideals, and you can leave many of the people you associated with behind if you so wish. We did good things when we were actives, but it's been a long time since we were.

I'm sorry I can't be there for you due to geographic differences and such. You know how to find me if you need to talk. My AIM hasn't changed.